of love, wisdom, lesson, patience, faith, trust, passions, compassion, dreams, silence, friendship, true, courage, end, karma, perseverance, soulmate, ending and beginning,expectation, loyalty, betrayal,healing, time, weary .. this moment in time !
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Every cloud have a silver lining ... ?
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
familiar yet distance
Thursday, September 9, 2010
moving on II
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
moving on
Saturday, August 21, 2010
procrastinate
Thursday, August 19, 2010
a second chance
Sunday, August 15, 2010
on 13th August 2010 in Bali, it was Friday !
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Crossing path
Thursday, June 24, 2010
claustrophobe
Last Sunday, we went to the local mall nearby and it was the last day of school holiday as well as Father’s Day, so it pretty full in the car park and we have to move to the highest level.
Lift came went in with 2 more people, and it was full. So the next level down, came another family of 5 squeezing in; being the tolerant and culture we have in this multi racial country. Most of us keep quite. The door closed but was having a little problem closing actually. DANG !!! it jammed !!!! we are being lock inside !!!
And no one acted anything, I ask the boy nearest to the emergency phone to press the button asking for help. This “ah Pek” from the family was yelling and shouting ... from his voice one can hear of his desperation and fear ! It is just a lift jam not a dying situation.
I am claustrophobic but I am not like him .. he is so extremely hyper, calling out to his friend yelling and banging the lift door asking for help. When clearly the maintenance guy had given instruction to wait they are coming to help. Still Ah Pek is afraid that he keep calling out to his friend outside and banging the door. Until I have to tell to him keep quite and not doing anything, the maintenance guy say wait and he is rectifying the problem. Bare in mind all these yelling and banging happens within less then 10mins. And we are out of the lift in less then 15 mins !!! I would say the maintenance is very efficient, may be due to too regular breakdown.
I do not understand why he had acted that way, when his sons and daughter even wife is quiet and waiting. Didn’t even show any sign of fear but him; he was so frantic. At that moment, he really acted and clearly show his fear. What is he afraid of ? I have to admit that when I walk out of the lift, I felt dizzy. And need to get fresh air kind of feeling though luckily inside the lift the ventilation fan is working well.
But what really intrigue me is the way this guy reacted, so annoying and so paranoid !! Always remember, and I always keep in mind whenever there is a crisis stop think act; there is no point panicking ...
Monday, June 14, 2010
drift
Age could have a part in it, as I prepare to face my next decade. I have never felt so tire before. Perhaps the last decade have utilise all my energy without reservation and go to the maximum. I suddenly lost the passion to drive on. And with my mind so weak and lost I couldn’t perform as what a Gemini is best at, powerful thoughts and mental stimulations. My body is telling me everyday that it is tire, but this cannot be. This cannot be the condition any longer, I know somewhere inside me knows that I need to get out, get up and move on. One small steps will leads to another bigger one. And then just as I step up, I hit the wall again, stumble and fall.
I hit the wall, I sit there, recuperate and stand up, I again hit the wall, quickly stand up, then again I hit, this time .. I just sit there staring blankly ahead !
A friend told me that for whatever reason I must not give up, because behind those dark clouds always they will be silver lining. I know deep down inside me I will never give up, I will find ways to carry on; but of late there are many question that I ask myself the reason I have to carry on. I can't seems to answer any. Perhaps, I have push myself too hard or I have not done enough ?
The more I force myself to try to find away out of the situation the more frustration I come into. Sometimes, it is best to just let it be when we know all that we want to do have been done. I am learning to be patience but the waiting is always excruciating and painful.
What else can be done then ?
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Lake retreat
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
41 years ago
41 years ago I was born into this world, my mom went into labor in the middle of the night and pray that I be born past the 15th (Chinese new moon) as it is believe that a baby born during new moon or full moon will have a hard life, especially if I am born on the same day as Buddha, who will suffer hardship. And it was also during this time 41 years ago, racial tension grows into violent with curfews and killings of innocent Chinese. Mom deliver me in darkness and having to hold back her pain without any scream, and even when I was born, no noises are being made for fear of discovered.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Society is divided
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
loyal and betrayal
Saturday, May 8, 2010
still .. stuck ... block ..
Every now and then we should take a break, stop all we are doing and let time for a little re-evaluation, re-assessment, re-connect, whatever you may call it, the word here is RE. We re-visit our very own core of existence, the very reason why we are where we are now .. in others words not to allow ourselves to went astray !
Do you or have you ever stop and re-visit your root ? The very reason why you are doing what you are doing now ? Are you on the right track ? Are you doing what your heart tells you to do ? or your mind insists of doing ? Most the time alot among us are doing things that we might not want to do, but we have to do. The choice is always ours to make and if it turns out bad, we have the responsibility to accept it.
I constantly keep myself align, so that I do things with my heart and passion. That way, I am being true to my heart and my responsibility towards my work and myself. Being real ! And to always stay real and passionate so that the flames keep burning and continue to burn. I am always a survivor and I do believe victory belongs to the most persevere. Because life is no matter how much you have to endure, you must come out unspoiled of it.
At which juncture, where are you now ?
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
nature's food chain ...
I always oppose to the idea of feeding animals be it on land or in the water. Animals have their own way of finding food, unless they are injure and are unable to hunt for food. then we lend a helping hand while they re-habilitate. And not intentiously feeding them. By feeding these animals they will become domesticated and they break the food chain. Everything, be it on land or in the in the water, have a big food chain of its own. The moment we break one part it is doom and will soon comes back to us human which is also a part of the food chain. Why do we human resolve to feeding them just to impress the tourist in US ? I also echo my favourite author, put down the tag "Save the Earth" instead educate human first !
The next time you travel .. PLEASE CONSIDER responsibly and respecting the environment, DO NOT ENCOURAGE your guide to feeding of animals. And do not break the food chain, just like the earth is telling us that we are doing so much of harm to it that it is giving us hints daily with earthquake to reminds us !!
Shark feeding ... THINK what if the shark mistaken the toe as the fish ?? I really hope it will .. so that human will learn the lesson the bitter way !
Monday, March 29, 2010
the people or the elite bunch ?
Politics are so corrupt and it is not the most healthiest to practise especially in office and within groups of friends. But without it between governments and countries will not function well.
I am following it to for the sake of seeing how people change and fluctuates when comes to serving their country and its citizens. I see only the surface as I am no insider about who is who or whom is gang up with whom and what strategy to each is applying in the arts of war !
I stress my points that politicians or member of parliaments are all elected by people; people from the street, people who are real and living in that country. A lot of times politicians fail to see that they are being elected by the locals to voice out their grievances in the parliament, MP's are the people's voice !
I am citing example in Thailand, I see the real people, the poor are seeking a person who gives them a better life, a person whom had built the country's economy from bad to good during the crisis in 1998. But all is forgotten as he is not friendly with a certain elite group. So who should an MP or politician serve ? The people or the elite ?
Same goes to our current situation in MCA, a local race base political party. Its current past President had taken the bull by the horn to address reform and change within the association to make it relevant to the people. But instead he stir the elite's hornet and got himself into trouble for doing so; polls still suggest that he is the people's choice ! Again who should the president serve ? the people or the elite ?
it is sad that the general public is being ignored but it will not be long when the People Power rises again. A country is a country when there are citizens and people will only want to live in it when they know it is save and provides them with security and food ! When the border line is crossed and its people fell threaten, human as in any being will retreat and resist, will retaliate and rebel !
So in a country or organisation who will be the main backbone; the people or the elites; the work force or the managers ?
Sunday, March 28, 2010
The edge ... and back !
Sunday, March 21, 2010
shock ...
For a moment during the table talk buyer meet sellers session, I was taken aback. Their leaving had me stop for a moment. Life could be just like that and very often its just like that. But yeah like Rantje says life goes on, it happens everyday. But I was really taken a back, Zain of Dive Indonesia and Svein of Siladen.
I do understand that we must appreciate what we have now and cherish whom we have now. But sometimes things cannot be hurried. There's always a process to follow, to speed up the process will make matters worse if not worsen what it already is. Sometimes I want to just rush in, but very often we can not do just that. The process must be follow. If its not time yet, we have to wait and be patience.
I hope their soul will rest in peace and I am sadden that I do not have the chance to do business with Zain at all. He is hardworking and energetic ! Too pre-mature to end his journey.
Friday, March 19, 2010
lost and found
Yesterday I was so happy I found back a pendant that I thought was lost. It was a black colored heart shape pendant made of a kind of stone that I bought from Kwai, Thailand. And also at the same time ALL my contacts in my new phone was lost when I did a sync with my laptop. And in there was a contact that I most wanted to keep, a person's contact that I still want to keep close to my heart as I know that we have not close the chapter yet. and while transferring the contacts I manage to retrieve the number from my sim card, I found again.
That feeling of lost and found, makes me treasures it more now. This pendant is of black color which is consider a bad luck color what more its a heart shape pendant in black, my Mom do not like it at all. But I kept it. Deep in my heart, I thought that Mom had throw my pendant away. She did it once with my one of the orang utan I brought back from a dive show. I was angry and did not talk to her for a few days. So when she says that she don't like this pendant and it got missing. I thought she throw it away again. But NO, it was hidden in a corner in my closet. But why is it there ? I have no idea. And when I saw that pendant, I was like ... guilty, happy and sad ! Guilty of accusing my Mom of throwing it away ( though I only realise of it's missing last year when Mom already passed away) happy because I really like the pendant. Sad because Mom won't be able to see that I am always going against her will, the rebellious one.
Only when we realise that we have lost that we will know how much we value it. SO when it is found back, we know we are given a second chance to appreciate it more.
How often we are given that second chance ?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
finally .. I have been to Bali !
I am full, I am grateful and I feel blessed ! Finally my journey of Bali is complete. I hope to make it whole, please allow me to be whole and complete
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
another journey ....
When I start my journey last Thursday, my mind was all over; on the extra baggage that I need to carry for Mr Sim, on the people that I will meet at the show, on how to capture more sales. But the moment I am in the departure hall, all these flies away; I told myself to open up for what may come, and allow it the freedom to flow in.
I was glad that this time the group of buyers are more friendlier then the last, mainly I think is because most of us are from Asia, I mean residing in Asia as there are 3 white men which resides in Thailand and Taiwan. So they are more or less adapted to the Asia culture. We share quite a lot of jokes, and particularly one Eddie the joker from Taiwan who is also a 2nd time buyer. He did not give me a good impression last year when I misjudge him, thinking he is here more of a seller rather then a buyer.. Anyway, when our flight from Jakarta to Bali was cancel and made us waited for more then 4 hours for another flight; we had the chance to really slow down and get into some light hearted chats and sharing of experiences. Eddie allows me to see a different side of him or put it that I see another side of Eddie when he was talking about his daughter the precious. He and his wife had been trying for years and due to the fact the his wife is a diabetic makes it even more precious that she is finally born healthy and safe. I can see in his eyes the joy of being whole and complete !! This is Eddie ..
And during this trip, I share room. I was thinking to share or stay single. I have never share room for quite some time now as I was so use to travelling alone and being alone. So I decided to just share ...
And on the first day, as we arrive from various countries of destinations in my list my room mate is a Korean. You know the idea of like how she looks like, is she fun to be with or the snobbish type bla bla bla. And she arrive quite late after we had dinner and I went back to the room, check mails etc ... she came in about 10:30 pm I lock the door so she was taken aback and I open the door for her ! tadaaaa ..... a young girl ? hahahahaha .... and quite fun too ! but being a Korean she does act like one. Anyway Colleen was fun and chatty, but I think she is fresh hence she just maintain her distance on conversation with the rest. Colleen ....
During our 3rd day on the 13th we were suppose to fly to Denpasar Bali to connect to Labuan Bajo Komodo. However as fate may have it that our flight to Bali was cancel and everything just suddenly turn upside down. All schedule went havoc ... shuttling between terminal 2 & 3, missing 2 members, and waited for 4 hours (we woke up at 2:45 am) for our 7am flight. So much possibilities and uncertainties, we may overnight in Bali, we not end up in Komodo at ALL ! However I leave it to the universe if I am destine to be in Bali or fated to stay in Jayakarta ! The group was so upset when knowing the possibility that they may not end up in Komodo. But fate or some may call it God, I would just say the universe always have a way of its own. It is a blessing that I don't have to overnight on the boat .. so funny ;p
Sometimes if we really allow things to just flow in and not forcing or expecting too much what we will get in return will be much more then we expect. I am more enlighten after this journey as it took us 12 hours from Jakarta to Labuan Bajo when we should be there in 5 hours !! Just let it unfold when you know you have done your best ...
Thursday, February 25, 2010
see ... staring
A lot of times we just stare at things without really seeing them, staring point blank without really seeing. It goes the same we live through our life without really experiencing and learning from what the lessons is for. Most the time we just pass by it and that's it not knowing what it is for.
Most sadly is we just see through a person as if he or she doesn't exist at all in our life. We just ignore them and not valuing their existence in our life .... until we lose them. A lot of people wants our acknowledgements, wants our acceptance but very often we just stare point blank, without any response. It makes me think what is in their mind. What makes these people exists at all ?
It is interesting that we are all control by our brain, nerves and thoughts; physically and mentally but quite amazing that sometimes both doesn't synchronise at all. The mind and physical is not in sync, at that moment are we aware of what we are doing ?
*doh* I don't even know what I wrote just now makes any sense at all. But isn't it amazing ? That we can just stare at someone but we didn't really see their existence in our eyes ?
Is this denial of some sort ? Or is it fantasy in another ? I don't know or perhaps we only want to see what we want and not what we don't. So when people expect us to see them in one way, we see it the other.
Well the quote is from a stripper who just move in to a new neighbourhood and she was realising for the first time in her life that her new neighbours are seeing her as a person rather then staring at her as a stripper !
If we see things out of the box and opens up our mind, the world will be a much better place to be in. I can't say there won't any but LESS discriminations and judging eyes.
Did you see who was staring at you just now ?
Monday, February 22, 2010
waste of time
Anyway walking through life, experiencing what it is without actually knowing where our destiny lies is waste of time; OR is it ? We never knows until the end of time. Is it wasted or is it fully utilize and consume up into a beautiful journey of a lifetime. And it takes tons of courage and perseverance to see it through. And I believe ( start to believe ) that if we keep our faith and hope nothing will be wasted after all.
For me nothing is waste of time, whether you believe it or not, every single trip is a part of our whole journey and every single experience will totals up our complete experience on lessons of life.
I miss you little finger. Every full moon will reminds me of you .... time will not be wasted even if we are in silent retreat.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
perseverance ....
We need to persevere and keep persevering in order to bare fruits to what we sow, we can never sow now when the seed is planted just yesterday ! I watched this local production film this morning. Infact it's not my norm to go out so early just to watch a movie. But I would like to support local production though its just an affordable RM6 for this morning show and today is the last day. It's a good movie and I would say its better then some big budget Hollywood or Hong Kong movie. It is a dream come true for the production team who make it happen and also it had enlightened me about being persevering or Chinese "Kin Chi" (stick to it)
When we have started something we should stick to it till the end no matter what the obstacles are. It is this perseverance that will brings us success rather then the hopping act like frogs that will not bare anything at all. We have to be able to focus our energy and immerse ourself in doing one good thing.
When we plant a seed we have to water it, tend it and trim it, care for it to ensure that no worms will come and destroy it before we see the flower blooms.
I am trying to master this skill of mine ie to persevere in my endeavor of making my dream comes true. I had a dream in fact I have many dreams that I want to fulfill. But for now I am doing it one by one, step by step. And one will lead to the other, it had to be that strategically because we cannot be planting an apple seed expecting a peach fruit !
perseverance persevere ...
Friday, February 12, 2010
life's basic need
And one specific sentence makes me think what is our basic need I mean our most fundamental need to life ? Can we survive without love ? food ? water ? attention ? care ? What ?? !!
When we read everyday over news on people's attempting suicide, commit crimes, dramatic about love and relationship have we ever thought ... take a minute and think about what is the most important and basic of our need ? If those that we are fighting over, tearing our relationships apart are more important then this basic need I think we are really immature in and little. We never sees the bigger picture, or we will never ever see ?
Without water and food, we can never move any step ahead nor think and strategies for future. If in the present we can starving, we can have no tomorrow. This is the most fundamental of our daily need, to get the energy for the battle ahead ! Even it is just bread and water .. it is still energy provider. It is what we need to keep alive and keep our dreams moving. Without such we are going no where ..
Do you agree ?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
dream, dreaming, dreams
By what ? I have no idea. And it is 5 days to Chinese New Year, the year of Metal Tiger. A year that is tough and hard .. but with perseverance I am sure even the hardest metal can be melted and shape. I try to feel what is my heart feeling now about things but I can't. Things seems to be taking a break, taking its own sweet time.
I have been mulling quite alot too lately, on dream, dreaming and dreams. When we dream, we gives ourself hope, a vision and faith to carve and pursue something that we want. When we dream all our conscious and sub conscious mind and body will work in sync towards that powerful force of making it real. And I have been trying to focus and find out what my dream is ... I want to dream big ! So my mind is juggling on what makes my heart whole and complete ? What is that ?
So have you been dreaming lately ? And what is that ? A life live without dream is like a journey without destination. Where lies your destiny ?
Friday, February 5, 2010
Bangkok ... Shanghai ...
Last weekend in Bangkok was full of emotions running high and low. I was expecting to meet someone but didn't get to meet. When we start to expect things, most the time it will end up unexpectedly. And when we did not expect it, it will some how end up interestingly.
I was reading this nicely written book that I pick up from a second hand store .. I like especially these quote " We cannot write in water.. we cannot carve in water. waters nature is to flow an that is how we should treat life.. emotions, negative or positive. Do not deny it but always let it flows and then away" this is a very good phrase, we shouldn't deny our feelings no matter negative or positive.
And I think with or without consciously aware of the outcome; I am accepting the outcome as it is, I have learn to go with the flow. Over the years, I have been struggling so hard, swimming against the flow, going against the current and trying to fight with all my might of what I want the result to be. But this had made me a much weary and tire warrior. The now me had learn to let go and go with the flow instead. If its not meant to be, accept it and let it flow through rather then blocking the flow. It will only swell up with bigger resentment.
Continues after my Suzhou / Shanghai ... while I was in China last week I do not have the privilege of staying connected. And it feels like being shunned from the outside world which can be frustrated sometimes. But in other way it's kinda de-tox from all the addictions that the cyber space can give us. Every day and night, no every minute and second we are all connected to the world being in touch so call with the latest news from around. And that makes us so up to date, then again it also makes us to be addicted to the cyber world rather then being in the moment !
While I was on this social network de-tox, I begin to start living. Feeling the rhythm of life and also the momentum of being rather then keeping in mind to log into facebook, blog, or twitter ! Or perhaps this is only me ? Have you ever gone for once cyber de-tox for a week ? TRY .. perhaps its good for you to pause for a moment, do some other real social networking, in person in the moment. Back to reality being human rather then cyber.
Off the record and topic, I was jokingly commenting on HOCC's profile picture in fb and was so surprise to see that fans bombarded me with so many comments of being irrespectful and talking bad about their idol. Now its dumb me of not remembering that she had a lot of fans who are crazily and overly idolizing her. This I sympathize HOCC for being a celebrity who have not much privacy but lotsa publicity's. And it makes me wonder, what kinda life that could be ? To be always in the limelight, just like a dive buddy of mine. Being with her in the public can be a little pressure when the attention and fans attack can be shocking at times. Anyhow, no worries no sweats .. its all part of the game and part of the rule !!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
pure and innocent ...
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Dream
Is this YOUR way if telling me to keep dreaming ? I have a dream perhaps that is also my destiny. I will work towards it .. the journey is still on.
For short term now, I want to focus on the most important and crucial part that is to plan. And once its planned no one nor any force will stops me from reaching my destination.
Before today, just now, I was lost and I couldn't tell myself even during my "silent retreat" end of last year, what my dream was. I guess my compass was being expose to a very strong magnetic field that had me off my course for a while. Then again losing my way could be fun, as I was able to see another side of the road. Now that I am back on track, and stay focus I want and I know where I should be heading, could that be my destiny ? We shall see.
How many times have you lost your way ? and how often that you found it back ? We will be thrown off guard, got lost, fall downs every now and then ... BUT most importantly we must know how to find our way back, pick up ourself, dust off and walk on ! Never ever allows ourself to be cripple or hurt by the fall, and never ever give up on ourself either ! This is just part of the lesson.
A lot of people see that I am being shallow, always looking on the good side and not the other side; this is not a problem. Sad day, happy day .. we still have to go on living, why would you carry a sad face then ? One can be sad inside, but do not infect it into others ! And never be the one to leave the gaps open because no one likes to fill in the blanks !
Just when you think that you have lost hope in realizing your dream, its okay to stop and rest. Dust off some, unload some, close some windows even doors if you need to then pick up yourself and move ON !
freedom of choice ..
a. the use of Allah by non Muslim; now I must confess here that throughout my years of traveling, when ever i start a journey into the islands of malaysia I will wish Bismilla-hir-Rahman-nir-Rahim, the start of my safe journey. Does this mean that I am not Buddhist ?
b. NEVER ever mix politic and religion for personal mileage; this is sure way to HELL and not HEAVEN !
c. do not do unto others when you want others do unto you; don't start the fire, because it will be come back burn you !
d. religion and faith when met with fanatic can be the most deadly of all weapon !
All religion teaches one to be good and all roads lead to Rome !
Saturday, January 16, 2010
in search of wholeness ..
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
stranger strangely strange ...
I had a very good chat with a friend from Italy; she is not someone I know deeply we are just casual friends who share some good thoughts and trusts each others intention in this friendship. I can say that we are almost strangers as we have not met each other, we had not spoken to each other. But we can relate and pours out freely.
This is how amazing human are being link, we are all inter link some how or other though some of us knows one another deep enough to know what the other is thinking but then again we are not their brain. On the other hand, there are some of us who can connects and opens up to the other without fear and consequences.
Being a stranger sometimes allows us the fearless feelings of being judge for right or wrong. That a stranger can be our best sounding board because they come clean without prejudices and pre-condition nature. This had happen to me twice. I guess a lot of you would disagree and think that I am crazy for trusting strangers. Is this wrong to be trusting ? Human are all inter related and we should love one another the same. And I have learned to gives honestly without holding back anything, because lessons thought me to open up freely and not to be vary or doubt anyone in particular. Because I lose nothing in being real the other person will lose his or her identity in holding up.
It is strange very strange that stranger can see us better then ourself or anyone around us. As I say they come clean !
I was glad that this stranger from Italy came into my life and enlightens me when I was in the darkness of what had happened the last 2 days. Though it is not a quick fix but it is always good to share what's in our mind with someone because the more we think of the answer to our questions the more questions will pops up. And there is always no quick answer, time is certainly and always the best answer possible.
Strange ...
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Tearful testimony on discrimination at Prop. 8 trial - latimes.com
The above article can only happen in North America or western and more develop and open countries. It can never happen in our conservative Asian culture.
Will this one day be reported in Asia ? Not to say to fight for the most basic of human rights of each individual being .. you me he or she.
snap ...
A few days back I snap, I snap at the slightest thing that happened. I wasn't sure, I regret or is it the correct word ? I did not do the right thing. I over reacted. I was, may be at the wrong moment when things happen and I just snap. I locked this blog, I shunned totally which I don't know what to do at that time.
I am mad, I am sad. I see things happens and I can't do anything. When you care too much you fell the pain. But I lack the patience. This is one very important lesson that I am still learning after 4 decades, patience.
When we know someone that we care so much is struggling, we will be a part of that struggling, share the 'chi' that is circulating around. Hence we absorb the 'chi' into us. Hoping to balance up the negative chi as we will became eaten up by it.
I was in that situation and I snap. It is not about me or the other party. It is both of us that the negative chi is spreading and infecting. Perhaps the moment is not right and things happen.
This is the first time ever that I snap on someone and it's not good ! SO the next time you want to snap ... make a quick blink and breath deeply ! ! STOP all things ...
Sunday, January 10, 2010
blank empty hollow
A lot of times when we thought we knew it and that it should be that way and we have expectation of the outcome, most often that it don't ! It may have a very high possibility that your expectation will never come. This is it, things happen and most the time can catch anyone of us off our guard, no matter how strong or well planned you are. Things just happen.
Then you will be feeling .. anger, frustration and disappointment; why such things happen ? Why when you have work and plan things so finely and from all angles and all corners it still comes out not as your expectation.
Well this is it, this is life. And thats how magical it is that every day new things happen, new challenges, new obstacles and new encounters. We can never plan too well, just welcome them with open arms. I remember a friend, I forgot who, once said welcome adversity with open arms. Because whether we like it or not, it is here. You can't reject it, you can't just ignore it nor write it off. So under such circumstances, deal with it.
Deal with it, most the time we refuses to deal with things that is sad, that is happening but not what we want it to be. We avoid, we delay, we let it be thinking that it does not matter, we procrastinate on our decision. We hide because we fear ! This is normal even the most logical person will do the same when they snap !
I just snap ! thats it ...
Saturday, January 9, 2010
love loving losing learning lessons .. re-loving
Dr Cherri Carter Scott had a few good books and one is related to Love, in her summary I copied here
"in the game of love I have won, I have lost, I learned how to open up and love again when I thought I never could ... experimenting and growing from the pain of a broken heart and shattered dreams" I think in every of us we walk this path too, just that the experience we go through are not the same because every of us is unique and different in our own way and have our own path to maneuver.
She also ends it with "loving, losing, learning the lessons and re-loving, I am pleased to open the door and share it with you. I cannot say the journey has been easy but it has been worth it, learn your love lessons and treasure your partner each precious moment you are fortunate enough to be together" With this I am uncertain myself, because I have found someone that I am attracted to very intensely, and a mate that my soul had been searching for all this while. Universe allows us to meet and connects in a very unique way allowing me to see things differently. Then again I leave it to fate whether I am able to find "home". I am tire, I am a worn out warrior. The burning flame of desire is growing stronger and wilder inside me. I am trying with all my might to de-flame it, to slow it down. I called this karma, I was once being advise by a Guru that I have to repay a lot of romance debts in this life. In my past life I have hurt many women, I was a famous opera singer in China * in Chinese cultures, opera singers moves from town to town, city to city to perform and every place they stop they have new love and then when its time to move they leave, no lasting relationship, no real love, no real feelings *
I never believe in such before this, I was always a fighter, a pursuer and always go for what I feel is right ( I still do) but may be my meeting with this Guru is a fate that he enlightens me of why my lack of luck in this aspect. However I did win some even though I lost a lot before this. I pick up, I learn and I brave myself to open for love again.
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Journey ..
However through the years on earth and after 4 decades, I guess I have finally learn to accept. Accept what is and accept what is not as well. This journey, this time I felt that my soul had been enlighten by all the lessons thrown to me with or without prior notice.
OK I have to insert here a scenario, while watching this movie based on a true story in Florida, "What Makes a Family" here
And most often the one who stay behind are the one who suffer the most, then again we have to all deal with it and move on. Because there are other people who love us equally to want us to be happy !
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
4 minutes
Her teacher pleaded 4 minutes to the prison Director, and she played the most beautiful and enlightening piece yet of her life to a full house standing ovation. She had her moment in life.
Given a 4 minutes in your lifetime to do something great or on grand scale, what would it be ? Me ... hmmmm good question. I guess may be in that 4 minutes I will tell the whole world how much I love you and if I can choose a place I want it to be in the Taj Mahal, the monument of Love. I am not a great person, I am just another ordinary human experiencing and going through all the lessons bestow upon me, good or bad. So that I do not waste this journey at all.
Then again, I am a greedy person, I want 4 minutes everyday to be whole and complete !
And what would yours be ? What do you want of your 4 minutes moment to be ?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
first day ..
And now what happens after that ? Most often humans get started to things, eagerly to get things in order and ready for the big day there after what happens ? There after what's next ? Will the excitements end there ? Will the preparation ends there ? And when other mattes settle in, most often we tend to tune down. Children as I always equates them with baking. They are the flour and dough .. we mix all the ingredients into the flour to become a dough and from there on how we want to mold the dough to be buns, cakes or simply doughnut is entirely up to us. The same goes, the child is pure and innocents what we teach and input into them is what makes of the child later on. If we use too over heated oven it will burn, if we use lower degrees it doesn't turn out ... it is important for us the 'chef' to be careful of what we want to bake out of the flour. With flavoring and a little patience the cake can be a most pricy item or a crap dough ! The choice is our to make, the chef / the parent !
Do you still remember your first day at school ? It was very exciting to see so many new friends and being in a place where I know no one in my class. Mom's wanted us to go master our English rather then enroll us in a Chinese school. English is the international language of the world. Then again it is funny how that during my days we will naturally converse with our teachers in English rather then our national language, Malay.
Seeing my nephew came back home with stories of how he buy food during his recess is a joy ! He on his first day in school learning to purchase food for the first time .. short given the canteen operator aunty and aunty asks him to pay additional 10 cents ! He was very anxious as well as so excited that there's so many choices of food to choose as compare to pre-school all set menus !! He was also extremely excited about his first learning dvd science text book and wanted to install it immediately ! I can see in his eyes the sparks and the glow.. of new adventure in school !
I too am eagerly awaiting for his new adventure to start hoping to be there for him in every of his encounter.
Monday, January 4, 2010
only if ...
only if I can dictate the course of my journey; I will go far and deep
only if I am able to see the future; I will change now
only if I am allow to express myself without fear and consequences ; I will confess to you now !
only if I do not need to held responsible; I'll just do it
only if ......
Sunday, January 3, 2010
is it worth it ?
At the end of the day is this worth it ? If anyone asks about this, I will ask the person to stop whatever he/she doing. Because when you doubt yourself, your action. You are most likely to end up not worth it ! Because the mind only knows how to keep asking and thinking about worthiness and not succeeding in whatever that is entrusted upon you. Your are NOT focus in making it worthwhile but rather focusing on calculating.
Only losers will ask when they are not confident, only the pessimist will assure them self that it is NOT worth it. Whatever you aspire to do now, is what you want to do to make the dream come true. Even if you end up in the middle of no where, neither here nor there, it is still worth it. Only the blinds and deaf will not see what the journey is about, only the empty heart will not feel what it is like to be in the journey. Even if you fail this time, your effort is worth it as you have the courage to participate rather then being a coward and not to compete at all. Most people would have forgotten the most basic of all fundamental that is thought in school by our teacher, that sport is a competition as in anything we do in our life later on that we MUST all have the sportsmanship spirit in us. And what is that ? Lose or win is just a part of the competition, you lose this time you gain lessons, you win does not mean you be winner for life. Nothing is eternal, this too shall pass, but lessons and experiences stay !
I remember I once asks myself this question too, then I know its time for me to move to the next phase. So when my partner asks this to me, I know I have lost him as a business partner, it is time for him to go. I am sad for I thought I have gotten me a capable and confident young man but he is not yet up for the battle ahead ... China.
We can not measure whether its worth or not, what you see as worth may not turn out to be, same goes what you see as not worth may actually be worth the effort after all. There is always 2 side of a coin, when we start to see things from different angles and perceptions then will we be able to know the answer of worthiness. The journey is so interesting how can it be not worth it ? The lessons behind every encounters are more worth then any material rewards one can gather, be it a business venture or a any other actions for that matter.
For me everything is worth it, even if one day I fail as a person or work / career even love; that whatever I have now chosen, it is worth it ! because I know I will enjoy the journey and lessons it prepares me for.. failure or success I will gain all the lessons given.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
love, hate, deadly .
pheww I manage to finish the book that I started 4 months. And reading a new one now, Outliers by the same author Gladwell. Well I wanted to get The Winner Stand Alone by Coelho but but I don't because I have a bad habit that I will buy and buy but takes years to finish. I didn't even start reading the Monk who sells his Ferari ! ! I still have one of Austen and Grisham's, don't know when I will get them started.
Anyway, I wanted to share about Charlie Sheen and wife. It always puzzles me when couples argue. I do not know how it feels like or what it is like that could make a person be in such anger that a weapon, in this case a knife can be weep onto your love ! How could such a thing happen ? Well even if he is drunk, there stood there a person that he vow to love her till death do us part ! ! Unless the relationship is in trouble you start to hate each other. But if you are still a couple how could this happen ?
When we commit ourself to love this person till death do us part, its a vow and yeah I do agree that some may not really grows old, some parted ways. BUT when you are still a couple and loves each other, I can not possibly think that violent is the way ! Violent can only be get violent. The more force you enforce the more rebel the rebellion.
I really don't know how it feels like to be in such heated quarrel but to want to kill your love one ? hmmm it must be out of mind. This .........
I don't know whether I should continue ...... on the contrary ; I have had a gun pointed at me before !
Friday, January 1, 2010
welcome to my new look ....
I may do something crazy for I am a dreamer.. a warrior.. I will fight for what I believe in ....
hahahhaah do you believe me ? 0_o