drift

I couldn’t write, I can’t see and I can't absorb what is around me. I was so self centered and lost. I really felt lost and drifting away. My mind is not focus, for whatever reason I wasn’t sure. It could be that I am tire, physically and mentally. As I grow, my body resistance tends to weaken. As I hit more walls my soul and spirit become more tire and weary then before. And the more walls one hit the more fear grows and the more resilient we built.

Age could have a part in it, as I prepare to face my next decade. I have never felt so tire before. Perhaps the last decade have utilise all my energy without reservation and go to the maximum. I suddenly lost the passion to drive on. And with my mind so weak and lost I couldn’t perform as what a Gemini is best at, powerful thoughts and mental stimulations. My body is telling me everyday that it is tire, but this cannot be. This cannot be the condition any longer, I know somewhere inside me knows that I need to get out, get up and move on. One small steps will leads to another bigger one. And then just as I step up, I hit the wall again, stumble and fall.

I hit the wall, I sit there, recuperate and stand up, I again hit the wall, quickly stand up, then again I hit, this time .. I just sit there staring blankly ahead !

A friend told me that for whatever reason I must not give up, because behind those dark clouds always they will be silver lining. I know deep down inside me I will never give up, I will find ways to carry on; but of late there are many question that I ask myself the reason I have to carry on. I can't seems to answer any. Perhaps, I have push myself too hard or I have not done enough ?

The more I force myself to try to find away out of the situation the more frustration I come into. Sometimes, it is best to just let it be when we know all that we want to do have been done. I am learning to be patience but the waiting is always excruciating and painful.

What else can be done then ?