Life and death

When My mum was warded at the emergency room last week, next to her bed was a woman of late 30s. She wanted to take her life, for what reason I would have guess is related to her husband and financial. Keep saying that she have only RM40 in her bank, well I think at some point in our life we will be thrown to the bottom so that we can triumph and return a much better person. She was sent in by her sister and father in law. Husband whereabout ? no idea. While here we are, my mum trying very hard to live on. Struggling to continue breathing. 

That moment I was really very confuse my mind keeps asking why would the creator create such a scene ? Here we are very worry about her life being taken away, there she wanted to give her life away.

With my mum's leaving, I truly felt the pain of losing. The moment of losing is very hard to accept when it is not meant to be yet. Most people would say it a battle lost without a fight, but to me I only want her to leave without any suffering. She have had enough suffering and pain in her life. She deserve to die painlessly.  

Everyday in our journey, things come and go in our life be it a human or a material. We tend to have feelings of like or hate. When we put in our deepest feelings into a person or an item, the time to part will be or tremendous hurt. It is like piercing into our core ! Losing my mum recently had melt my strong character down alot. I was brought up to be like a boy, as dad was not at home all the time and elder brother is always running away from problems leaving me the no.2 to handle most things. I learn to be strong and take over whatever my mum can't handle. I shut my emotion from the outside for a long long time until the zahir appeals and break ALL the concrete and metal walls that had been wrapping around me for years. I thank the zahir for allowing me to feel AGAIN. And now I can truly feel and express myself a little better; spiritually and emotionally. Though I am still a verbal cripple. I hope to learn this lesson soon enough to allow me to express freely.

I had always said that the communication between humans are very important that we need to open up to let all the flows in and out. But in cases, I know is easier said then done. Like the woman who had committed suicide, she is still very much verbal on expressing her mind and feelings, but in the case of my mum, she can't express what's in her as free as she could have. She is in a semi conscious state of mind. 

A 'special' friend posted a song in her facebook ' in the arms of the angel' .. I hope that my mum too is in the arms of the angel, and being guided to her final resting place where she belongs to.

May you rest in peace, mum.