just when ..

Most often when we stop expecting and allow things to unfold, just when we surrender to the flow to let it brings us what ever that is going to be.

I was feeling so blessed the last week when all along I have wanted to see the mimic octopus and skeleton shrimp but have not the chance and luck. Last week both show up and to add to the bonus is the arrowhead decorated crab ! It is what I have implanted in my memory the green triangle thing .. the arrowhead ! it shows up, and much to my biggest surprise is the mimic, when I told the others this will be the slimmest of chance to see.

It all happened and I am truly truly happy; not forgetting the happy giggling of John and Robby underwater. Their smiling eyes and laughter's make me felt full.

I share with you this

They are MY dreams, it has come true ! I hope I can now set some new ones for me to continue dreaming.

Answer

[ I was blocked for the past 2 months. My mind was full of thoughts and emotions movements from physical to mental to spiritual. But I can write none. things are moving from too many direction to too many directions. I can absorb none. I don't know why, I tries to ask .. ]

How many time have you try to ask about what's happening ? What is the matter with me ? Why ? In our lives we asks thousands of questions, the funniest part is most of the question asked the answer is already there ... there infront of us. Inside us, we already have the answer; we just couldn't bring ourselves to agree to it that's all.

In every doubts that surfaces in our mind, our heart has already prepare for it and have got the answers readied. we have the answer within us that makes us who we are all, our mind is the creator and destroyer of who we are, the answers to the questions.

I was trying to fight very hard my whole life to try to get as many answers to all the doubts and curiosity I have in me. I thrive for knowledge of life, I thrive to know everything so that I can control every single movement and steps to be taken. All the answers I wanted was just there right in front of me ! ME is the answer to all the question I have asked.

When we start asking a certain question, almost all the time we do already have an answer to it; either A or B. And almost all the time, we do know what the answer will be in our heart, deep down in our heart. We just ignore it because it is not what hope to be.

Our connections with our spiritual self are always overlook because it is not logic to follow our feelings and intuition, it is just a feeling ! No logical explanation is able to give a good answer to this one. When we ask for guidance, the path is already there in front of us; we just refuse to see it. When we surrender and be still, be at peace with our thoughts and feelings, then we are able to open our minds to see and listen to our heart; I take a quote from Reepicheep *Chronicles of Narnia* Believe is all we got Trust our own feelings and always listen to the heart for answers to all our questions. No else can provide us the answer to our doubts.

What are you asking now ?

Every cloud have a silver lining ... ?

I have not written for a long long time now, partly due to the lost of inspiration and also my self centreness. Lately a lot of things are evolving around me, internal and external factor all together.

Things always happens for a reason, and when what we expect does not come to us now could be because we are not ready for it, hence we are not being given. And when the time is right we will have it without due. Things always happen for a reason and no matter how disappointed we are or delighted as it may seems, always feel blessed that it happens, and always for a reason !

My feelings swing from left to right, I was very disappointed and sad; but guess all the lessons bestow upon me had me taught me to see things from a different perspective that it's a relief that it didn't happen. As I was also dragging my feet for it to happen. And may be its also a blessing in disguise.

I don't know what to say; as it is truly amazing when you belief in the universe and surrender to it. Let go all your expectations as you have already done what you have possibly done trying to make things happen, you just have to trust that the universe is doing all its mean to make it happen for you. This is what I am feeling now. It happens, when you just let it be; do not force things, opening up my heart to allow abundance to flows in.

Then again, it is not without doing nothing. Just allowing the result to be. It is the journey that makes us whole not the destiny itself.

I'm still learning, and the journey is still ongoing. I thank you who still allows me to have faith and continue opening up my heart to have hope returning to me.

familiar yet distance

I have always find Hong Kong to be a familiar place, a place then is familiar to me. But deep down it seems to be a distance, the crowded streets, the fast moving pace of basically everything; from the traffic to the people to the daily lives. For example, waitress would not wait and let us sit there reading our the menu on our own to fast moving escalators and people walking in a speedy motion. One may call it efficiency but its just not a place for me to live in.

Then again I have always find food and people to be familiar, a sense of closeness to them. Perhaps somehow may be in my past past life I lived here before.

Somehow its really funny, how we can experience that sense of deja vu every now and then. Its really unexplainable even in science. But it does happens.

moving on II

Suddenly I was being reminded of 'little finger'; I kinda miss the intensity we shared before. And I was wondering whether you had already move on. Your pain still felt like a sharp penetration into my heart. The intensity of your suffering and pain is still very vivid in me and my heart.

I do sincerely hope that you have move on, and I am not going to miss those moments. Rather would hope that it will pass soon. Today is especially vulnerable when you came into my mind. Then again you will always always have a special spot in my heart and mind. ALl the pain you have suffer, I suffer with you; all the tears you flow I flow too. the shrapnel of the shatter glasses, can be remove piece by piece however the cuts and wounds need times to heal. I heal with you.

It may not be possible it is true, I felt for what you feel. I breath the air you breathed. I see the moon you admire and lost count of the many full moon that pasts. I wish upon the moon Goddess to give you guidance to the next journey. Shine on you the peace and clarity of your next adventure.

I just hope you are well and are letting your hair down for a moment to see the world around you. Little finger, I miss you.

moving on

I .. hesitating how to start the line for a moment. I want a massage just now as my shoulder is hurting alot. I frequent this massage place in Soi 33 (more famously known as Soi Renaissance as the bar names are all name after the Renaissance figures) But the shop SA Massage was not there anymore. It have change to Teen 3 massage with dark glasses ! When I was walking inside from the BTS station, I talk tot myself that I have not been here for almost 3 years now, is she still operating ? After the protest in May, a lot of people are jobless and things turn bad.

So I end up up going to next door, which seems more like a better place and to my shock the price of massage had drop, from 450 / 2 hr to 300/ 2 hr that I had with Khun Sa. Society divides and double with a corrupt government, people are the most badly affected. Couldn't imagine how anyone could survive when the price of goods increases without the price of wages being increase to go with it.

The second time, I felt sad was that the taxi driver told me that times are bad now, from this after 3pm (it was past midnight when I board his cab) till now he only get 500bht and gas cost him 200bht. And he pointed to me look so many taxis queueing up at the road side .. no passenger !

I travel to Bangkok very often, and this year its my 3rd time; and I have a feeling I will be here more often. But the society is so divided, the rich are really filthy rich, when the poor are really suffering. Making ends meet and merely surviving. And what is wrong when the poor tries to fight for their rights so that government take a look at its people ! Pay a little attention to the people who votes and serve them as they gave you their trust in governing them !

Life is so fragile that we never knows what happens next; I have only regrets that I didn't go earlier to SA's place. SHe took me as a very frequent customer, giving me fruits to eat while waiting and gave me her best masseur. I hope she is healthy and also life is taking care of her.

procrastinate

Sometimes we tend to wait a little longer when we know we should have done it right away, that it should not be left unattended. Our heart and head always play the Dr Jackryl and Mr Hyde game. Yes and No, just wait a little while lar.

In everyone of us there is always an urge to go for it, then again very often as well that there is something in that little corner telling us the opposite of what may be. Perhaps it's the fear of failure, perhaps it's the courage that is lack, or perhaps it's expectations of the outcome. We tend to procrastinate our action on what should've been done now. Some people wait their whole life and not realising what magic it would've done if they act on it now. Some regret their whole life for the passed chance. Then again, some may just fail when they act on it now. But then again, just that you know you have done and fail is always better then you have never act at all !

Life should be live and not just pass by, to fail and pick up to continue and perfecting the mistake is better then never had tried at all. After all life is not a smooth sailing course for it is these failures that will lead us to perfect and fine tune our lives better. Our ultimate reason in this journey on earth is to learn to be a better person so that no mistake is repeated the net time. Not measure by the amount of materials we own but by the amount of love that we give and receive in return. By the amount of knowledge and lesson we gather that leads us to wisdom and wise.

Even today I am a penniless person, I am learned. I was given the lesson to persevere and to continue on with my commitment to what I believe in. Rather then to change my course be someone whom I am not in order to be at par with people that are going after the wrong reason. Materials satisfaction is of second to the ultimate lesson one should learn form the situation. No matter how hard one needs from material satisfaction one should always not forget about the basic human nature and give in to the exterior pressure. All the pennies I earned will not be taken with me when I leave. All the pennies will be left behind to those who needs it most !

I am always not the person who will procrastinates, again lesson being given that I should not act in a haste. That may be I should wait a little longer, that I should look and see and evaluate.

There you are people acts differently in different stages of their life.

But never fear to go for it ! SO what stage are you now ?