Reverse

I am really lost for word to describe the current situation. it took me a long time decide to step out of the comfort zone and move on. Just when I thought that this zone is comfort, the next day it turns out to be the battleground !

Just when I thought that it is safe and that it is growing at a healthy level, it is dying. Pre mature ending. And it makes me wonder, if I had not step out; what will it be for me ? Could be better, could be worse. It won't be the worst ever, then again.

It's just I am flabbergasted by the sudden change of situation. Just too overwhelming for me to absorb. Yesterday, I am relieve that it is on good hands. But today, it was transfer to another hand ! No warnings, No signs.

How amazing things just reverse and make a 180 degree turn ! It doesn't really affects me anymore as I had stepped out.But the heart feels sad, something that was develop with much efforts and passion was not allow to see the harvest; pre mature ripens being snatch away.

I won't bare grudges to the person who snatch the fruit but I blame the person who own the tree. We are just the farmer who work tirelessly to trim, nurse and water the tree hoping that one day we get to share the fruits.

Reverse, who would have predicted ? I am angry, I am feeling hurt, I am in another way relieve I wasn't caught in between.

What tomorrow brings, you'll never knows.

Cherish what today gives you with open arms.

The journey continues ...

A consultant told me before that she says every one of us are repeating a cycle in our life journey and that 10 years is the cycle. What happen now is similar to what happens 10 years ago; unless we rise above the situation and move on, the cycle will keep repeating itself and we will never learn and understand what the hidden lesson is.

As my journey continues, I had chosen a foreign path. 10 years ago, I did chose a rather different path from what I was doing before. Now I chose again, a path that is not familiar in my working life. But will often come across. Standing in the cross road for a while; I was mulling and looking at every corner trying to find a familiar spot; but things are getting even more blurry.

I live to challenge my ever curious soul, to always try something new in the related field of Tourism. I always say I am a Tour and Travel person. I want to try all jobs that is related to it. I however overstayed in in my hobby of exploring the undersea. Then again .. that journey is as beautiful as it is and still a never ending journey, of which I find it ignites my passion in another way.

My journey continues, as in all of us, to the unexpected. The courage to step out of the so comfort zone into the unknown; had always been my soul. Always trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel. I am now counting on days when I will finally hit the ground running. I am always well planned and playing out what to expect tomorrow. I had always want to control the whole situation by analysing every angle and seeing things from the top with my bird's eye view. But this time I am clueless, and trying hard to learn new things everyday. Passions drives me on.

It was a real challenge to stepping out of that comfort zone. In the transition now, asking myself what had I got myself into ? Counting down the days was both scary and exhilarating at the same time. Not knowing how I will cope, not knowing how I will fair. Most of all, the heart is mixed. It was rather a heart over head decision. That I will not regret doing but will certainly regret if not doing.

At this stage as the journey continues, whatever I do now I do what my heart feels. There is just too short in time to mind over what the head is thinking. There will be people who says you are stupid in doing this, but what had my action gotta do with your head ? There is no need for acknowledgments of sort if at the end of the day I am able to face my creator with open arms and open heart.

As the journey continues, I hope to achieve what the heart felt is right rather then worry over what the head is conspiring against.

So the journey continues ...

between then and now ...

Been a long time since I write, a very long hiatus indeed. So many many things had transpire and evolve since then (3 year back)

In between then and now, a short 3 years had many changes as I was trying to figure out what would this topic be; I came out with many but just too many.

I had my dream comes true, twice

I am able to come back from being broke

I walk away from death

I met someone

I also lost someone

I made another vow

Too many things happened to this ever weary warrior. The journey is still as fabulous as ever. And I am hopping for more spectaculars to come, the journey is not ending anytime soon. It can only made one wiser and growth more wisdom.

Being in a different perspective and having new eyes in every time we are face with consequences.

Something is now boiling inside me that I can’t explain. Maybe these things that is happening brings me to a still. Of life and death, of beginning and ending, of love and hate. These are the ever opposites that will always attracts each other to the other.

The fast will always be attracted to the slow, the slow will be fascinated by the fast as they both compliment each others. You hate to love because you love so much so that you hate it. If it doesn’t end, you will never begin another. Within me now is the space between, the space between there and now, in that emptiness. I have asked numerous times, what am I feeling now ? What is the very reason of my existence and purpose ?

Can you answer that ? Seeking new eyes …

be careful what you wish for

I just realise that I have not been blogging for more than half a year now, and time really flies. I tried and tried so hard to allows my heart to feel again, to be in the feeling of what is happening in my environment, but my mind is so actively protecting it, to allow it to flow freely.

Recently I made a wish. The wish comes true, but it comes with not what I expects it to be. Many times when we wish, we may get it but most the times it comes with additional. When you wish for love, you may get love but that love could be a fatal attraction. When you wish for money that money may comes with a great loss. Most the time wishes do comes true, but how we interpret it, is what makes us believe that wishes don't comes true !

Most the time what we wish, we already have, we never see it from a different perspective. Because we are so focus on that particular thought that is playing in our mind, we often never seen it that it had come true. I just realise it, it has come true but ...

When we see it from a different angle, that wish could have been there all along.

I made 2 wishes, I am trying to feel their presence now. I don't regret over what I wish for but will try to enjoy them as much as I can. Because it is what I have asked for and this is what I will have. SO I will wish for more now *evil creeping up* hehehe ^_^

A person can never stop wishing and dreaming, for these are the light that will keeps us going. Talk about keep going, I had a sudden moment over the weekend. People with passion and commitment, determination and believes, having faith and keep walking, will one day succeed. Nothing come easy, easy things don't lasts !

had your wish came true recently ? Mine did and it is making me a little confuse ...

Time heals or wears

Time heals or wears

I had always believe that time heals any wounds, but does it really weave its magic by healing? Or time wears us down, all our might and energy to fight, our pain and sorrow. The longer we deal with it the longer we stay with it, the more we suffers over it.

Then again if we don’t allow our heart to mourn the pain and rush it to heals, we will not heals fully. Again, if allowing it too long to heal, it will wears us down. So how long is long, how soon is soon ?

No one can predict or gives you any specific time to heal or mourn. We are all trying always to find the perfect formula to everything we do but we also forgot that in dealing with the heart, there is truly no perfect formula or recipes for success.

It is that moment in time, that what we feels is right and to do it right. I think I have allow myself over the limit timing to heal and keeps bouncing back and forth with hope and lack of courage to deal with my heart. It is in every human nature that we just want to cling on for a little longer, hoping for a second chance. Of which sometimes not everyone have that, even though I think we should all be given that, a second chance.

Had time heals you or wears you ? Is it time to deal with it ?

scrap the old thoughts

I suddenly feels like writing again.

This year I wasn't so active in writing,one of the main reason is that heart is not feeling much. I am a person who feels and always feeling. If the heart is not feeling I felt like block and trap in a space that is empty every corner. And this year I have tried to reverse all my thoughts, I am sure that you too have this kind of feelings. It's in all of us, when some thoughts come up in our mind which our subconscious keeps playing, and our head thought 'nah this can't be' the mind automatically brushes what ever that was playing in our heart just that moment that we 'hope' will happens.

Why we brushes aside that thought that we thought may not happen at all ? Why ? Why the 'nah it will not happen' ? Why can't we be positive and embraces it, believe that is will happens ? This is what I am doing exactly, whenever each time a thought comes up and when I try to brush it aside, I quickly remind myself YES, I am embracing this good thought to happen. I want it to happen, I am worthy of receiving it ! and Why not ?

A lot of times, when we don't believe in our self we will think that we don't deserve to be treated good. Things do get better and patterns do change too. If we are alert to our surroundings and open for change, our mind can change too.

Recently, I have so many things coming to my mind, and all are good things that I hope will come true. Just when I want to brush it aside, I say NO. Why not ? It can be true, I can happen to me, things change.

Have you had this kind of thinking before ? Is it time to change that negative thinking ?

the first time we meet

A friend from facebook juts posted a question, the first time we meet, how was it, how we meet, what are the impact, feel, the experience is.

The first time we meet, I was sitting on a table alone, visiting for the firs time, you were not exemption al just another staff working in the resort. For 2 nights I notice your routine with another fellow co-worker. I was alone and kept to myself, always me just keep quiet and observe with open eyes and open ears, because my other interest is looking at people. Just being a curious onlooker.

For 2 consecutive nights, I was watching you. Not going to approach you nor expose my identity. Just being there without knowing each other. You have a big warm smile. You are polite in your movements.

You may not be the most beautiful in the dining hall, but you stands out in my little heart. My attention somehow my focus point is on you. Trying to read who you are. Because my presence was not immediately known to you. I have not identify myself to the dive centre yet.

On the first time we actually meet, my heart was pounding fast and blood pressure rising when you walk out the office and greeted me. And when you brings me around for a short tour of the area, my cheeks are all red and heart pumping even faster. My whole body was like jumping up and down; I have not felt such way for a very long time. The intensity of my body and heart was so in sync. I felt the instant attraction, but was not overly reacting to it. After all I as more concern of the group's arrival then thinking of anything more.

Your big warm smile together with your friendly and attentive nature triggers my feelings and get my antennal's up !

The first time we met, the feelings are gradual and pleasant. It feels right and it feels good too !